The Comedy Tree News Archive
The Comedy Tree’s Guide to 2004 - January 29, 2004
The Comedy Tree is pleased to publish it’s Guide to 2004, predicting the fate of many of the world’s celebrities.
George W. Bush: Wins re-election by landside victory. Decides to nuke China because he “wasn’t sure what they were up to, and they have funny eyes”.
Tony Blair: Recovers from his most difficult week as Prime Minister only to go on to have his most, worst, difficult week ever. This is followed by his most, worst, terrible, difficult week ever, followed by the most, worst, terrible, awful, difficult week ever, ever.
Michael Jackson: Has the lawsuit against him dropped when it is revealed that plastic surgery has changed his DNA so dramatically, he can no longer be tried a human being. He is taken to the Los Angeles County Animal Hospital and put down.
Saddam Hussein: Makes the successful jump to day time television, filling the cultural void left by Kilroy.
Margaret Thatcher: Whilst visiting a bird sanctuary in Sussex with her grand daughter, she contracts bird flu and finally dies.
Osama bin Laden: Teams up with Kim Jong Il and Dr Evil and attempts to acquire The Ring from middle earth. All three end up being ripped off by a cockney street trader.
Michelle McManus (New Pop Idol): Begins an uncontrollable eating spree, gaining another 200 pounds and eating herself into financial ruin. Is saved from bankruptcy by a sponsorship deal with McDonalds, in which her cartoon image replaces that of Grimace.
Posh Spice: Throws a tantrum whilst filming her new video and locks herself in a cupboard. Is mistaken for a broom three days later by an Albanian cleaner and is never seen again.
The Comedy Tree Putney: Becomes the funniest place on earth. Record breaking hilarity begins this Thursday and features the hilarious BBC Comedy Award winner Rhod Gilbert, Brian Damage & Krystal, visiting American Ben Bailey & MC Pete Jonas. Many comedy fans book online for the show. Local council requires the club to conduct pre-show safety demonstrations due to high number of laughter-related injuries.
